i posted this one 27th Oct 2004 and here i am posting again.

to:xxx,


"You have come into my life
Through a door I was afraid
Would never be open again
For many have slammed it
On their way out

So please feel free
To stay as long as you like
But should the time come
That you must leave
Please, close the door gently
As you go"

it's killing me.



Je suis mieux mort.

suddenly my mind went turning all around,
my heart pumps hard and fast, i can hardly breathe.
i got very panicky, i don't even know what i was doing.
suddenly i stopped and i started staring into the air for quite sometimes,
nothing was on my mind; it went blank.
i kept hearing voices within me.
then everything went on and on in a cycle,

my mind has been playing around with me for the past few days,
i couldn't even control bit of it.
it made me do things i din wanna do,
and made me not do things i wanna do.
just what is wrong with me?
i'm going crazy.

i suspect i'm mentally ill; i'm crazy.
as in SIAO; yes i'm siao.

i can't think, i talk like some idiots, i'm not speaking like myself.
it seem like there's "somebody" else in me.
and that "somebody" is here to ruin me and my life.


somebody help me please... i need you..





selfish and stingy people ought to be shot in the head!!

the 1st step to my reflections on life,

my friend is so right,
i need at least an O's cert as a stepping stone to the next level of my life.
i can't carry on taking part time jobs and earning like 600-800/mth?
when i become an old hag, who will give me a part time job?
and without any CPF or savings,
how can i get a shelter for myself?
life ain't gonna be easy for me,
and if i have a partner to settle down with me,
it won't be easy for the other party too.
i won't want my love ones to suffer with me?

well,
not only i gotta think for myself,
i gotta think for others around me too.


like how i can think for xxx,
let's not make things diifficult for each other.
let's not do things that each other dislike.
let's be fine and loving, can??



hello xxx, i love you. Let's not fight anymore.

because you live


work has been quite smooth for me,
i do my job properly and he got nothing to complain.(that shuts him up)
just sometimes he really irritates the hell out of me.
there's quite a few things bad about him,
but there's one which i really can't stand; he thinks he's the best.
he likes to interfere with my cooking even though when it's not busy and shoo me off to do dishwashing, like whatever lah?

today customers commented that the food is nice,
he asked me out of the kitchen and "promoted" me.
(in front of the customers)
he: Audrey, i ask you out cause the customers wanna tell you that ya food "sucks".
me:huh?
(he look at the customers and say)
he:There, this is the LADY(whatever) who handles all the food.
me:huh?
customer:(with a smile)the food is very nice.
me:oh? thank you thank you. (smile and walks back into kitchen)
(he laughed out loud)

like HAHAHA?
so embarassing lah please.
oh, and the customers stared at me from head to toe the moment he said that i'm the one handling the food, i wonder what was that look for.

Erwin papasan bullied me today,
he took my braclet(the one xxx got for me) and don't want return me.
idiot.
but i still got back in the end.((:
and i left a BIG mess in the kitchen for him to clear.HEH!

i made corn for xxx and she complain that it's not nice,
i threw it away in the end. grrr.

it's time to do some reflections on myself.
and about xxx too.
i would never wanna hurt xxx or myself again, not anymore.
let's be blissful, let's be xin fu xiao fu qi. (((:
9 more days (((:

my birthday is coming,
i don't need any prezzies, just ang bao will do.(with money please)
((((:

i couldn't believe it,
i'm all so excited about what's coming up in sept;d 7th.
i'm already planning everything now,
hope i will be capable enough to do what i've planned.
i hope she will like it.

coldplay - the scientist

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Its only science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

to certain people.
don't overdo things, don't get too much.
if not, you'll see me right in front of you.
you'll get it from me.

i will wait ok?
if you got the guts to.
HAHAHAHA!!
i'm waitinggggggg.



lingdar, you too much lah!
why you never drown when you bathe!
LOLS!!
:DDDD




je vous aime

i saw my colleauge on tv,
so funny.
he acted as a drug abuser.
HAHA.

I LOVE AMANDA CHIA AND SHE'S THE ONE AND ONLY I WOULD LOVE TILL THE SKY DROP!!

i got a huge bump on my head now.
was searching for something in the fridge, i lift up my head and go POM!!
i thought i dented my skull or something, it feels like it's dented. HAHA.

ok, suddenly i got nothing to blog about.
my mind is so blank now.


dez lingdar is an idiot.
she doesn't want me cause she don't go for boobs.
HAHAHA!!!



OH! i saw someone damn cute today!!
whoaaaaa!!! can't take my eyes off her manssssssss.
OMFG!!!!
:DDD

it's all over.

sms a million times and no reply back.
grrr.
PISSED!!

went to see my new house,
signed the contract and moving in in about 4-5 mths time.
and my god damned room is so much smaller then my sis's, UNFAIR!!
well, see she small i let her have it.
i shall be nice for only this once.

went shopping("window" shopping) for furnitures,
and my sis wanna get a queen size bed frame together with the wardrobe, side tables and dressing table.
i'm eyeing on one bed frame at courts, totally gorgeous i must say.


i'm still damn pissed now,
so please leave me alone.




i'm totally forgotten by you.

What keeps a relationship strong?
- communication
- intimacy
- a sense of humor
- sharing household tasks
- some getaway time without business or children
- daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug,
a call, a touch, a note)
- sharing common goals and interests
- giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure
- giving each other a sense of belonging and
assurances of commitment
- asking God to be the center of your relationship.
***If these qualities are missing, the
relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal,
abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the
passion.
"A loving relationship is one in which the loved
one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me,
but never at me; to cry with me, but never because
of me; to love life, to love himself, to love
being loved.
Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can
never grow in a jealous heart.

it really makes me wonder,
why do some people can have a good and carefree life,
and yet some have to suffer?
was everything arranged by god?
that how each and every person should live?

if that's the case,
i think it's rather unfair,
every person's life should be in their own hands and not arranged by anyone;it's their own destiny.
your life go smoothly, or you have to go on bumps and tumble over rocks and stones,
it's all on what and how you do things that will affect your life.

just for example,
if your husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend is having someone elses outside beside you(affair), will you ever wonder why this kinda thing will happen?

they think that you treat them not good enough and decided to find someone else who treats them better, but doesn't have the gut to let you know.
OR
just trying to be a playboy/girl(cause they think it's totally fun to be one-ya right.)
OR
they like to take a lot of boats at one goal, trying to see which is sampan and which is luxurious cruise?(meaning rich or not)
OR
they simply just don't love you anymore.

and when they don't show care and concern for you,
is that a hint to something that he/she couldn't say?("i don't love you anymore")
or was it just you're thinking too much?

when you really love a person,
and they just give you sudden hot and cold treatment, showing no care and concern,
obviously you will anyhow think right?
unless you're also another one who don't give a damn about ya partner la?

i think i will never get the answer on why life just have to be so stressful/meaningless/miserable?
when you give alot, and get nothing back.
maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be.

it really hurts when you care but yet the other party say you don't.
W.


i hope all self-centered people die fast!

i wanna compose a song,
a song about you and me.
and i would wanna sing it to you,
complete with plucking and strumming of guitar.

no one cares, not even you.


today's a damn suay day i can say.
overslept, late for work, kena scolding.
met girl, quarrelled.
smoked in toilet, kena checked by CISCO police.
HA.
what a day.
sighs.

oh,
i hope you like that monkey i bought for you.smiles.


i just want us to work things out, why can't we?
you want me to totally don't care don't control, i can't.
i don't even know what's happening in ya life now?!?!?
pathetic me.

i'm making something she like. ((:

bie shuo wo de yan lei, ni wu suo wei.


home from work,
she's out with her friend studying.

looking at all the couples around me,
i don't know to feel blissful or miserable.

i miss her........





sometimes keeping quiet is a good thing.
you have to know that i love you more then anything in my life....

i will never wanna give up on you, on us.
no matter how tired it gets,
even if i have to breakdown and go crazy, or cry my eyeballs out.
i will still hold on to you tight and do the best i can.
i wanna be perfect for you.

i wanna let you know how important you are to me,
i'll treasure you.
please treasure me and us too.



baby don't you break my heart slow

sorry, please let me be everything you need.

i wish i can get to see her tomorrow.


looking back on the 20years of life i've been living in this family;
i used to think that i have the happiest family that no one elses could have, i was wrong.
we seem like strangers to each other,
we don't talk heart to heart, certain things are tearing all of us apart.
i'm sick of it.
afterall, they are still my parents, they fed me enough for the past 19+ years to stay alive,they made me become who i am now. that's good, but somehow,i've became
emotionally weak; just like my mother.(this is bad, i breakdown easily.)
well, i can't put all the blames on them, but they are the ones who taught me thingssssss.ahhh, wtf i talking. ignore whatever i've just said. my mood's going through some rollercoaster ride now.UPpppppppPpPp and doWnnNnnNnnn.
grrrrrr.holy craps.

fuck it.i'm destined to live this kinda life.so be it, i won't live for long anyways.

你手中的感情线　是不肯泄露的天机
那也许是我一生　不能去的禁区
我到底在不在你掌心　还是只在梦境中扎营
在茫茫的天和地　寻觅一场未知的感情

爱上你　是不是天生的宿命
深夜里　梦里总都是你倩影
而心痛是你给我的无期徒刑

摊开你的掌心　让我看看你　玄之又玄的秘密
看看里面是不是真的有我有你
摊开你的掌心　握紧我的爱情　不要如此用力
这样会握痛握碎我的心　也割破你的掌你的心



there..

hoho.
din meet girl today.
only met her for an hour or so yesterday.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'M MISSING YOUR STUPID FACE NOW???AND YA CUTE _____!

went to view houses today,
so small, so not used to it. (all the houses nowadays are all tiny please)

my manager is a real buaya please.gees.

facing kumar with a bowl in her hand, lynn goes "we share ah, friendship ah friendship ah."
hilarious please.

i got a particular topic to talk about today,
i just don't understand why and how people enjoy being a god-damed 2 faced creature.
you dislike a person and talk to her is fine,
but bitching and bad mouth-ing about a friend with a person you totally dislike is a totally different thing.
i can never do that, how capable can that person be?
not pin pointing at anyone, the thought of it just came into my mind and i think it's totally sick, please.
what have the world become?

gosh, like what kane always say "my stomach's feeling abit funky".
now my turn, my stomach's feeling groovy and funky at the same time.HOHOHO.
how great.


extreme makeover's on tv,
they changed a goth punk rock girl, to a demure looking lady.(she demure or not i don't know la)
total 180 changed.(can't say 360, cause you'll go back to the same point)


ok, i'm feeling a bt crapy now cause i'm feeling sleepy.(as usual)
meeting girl tomorrow and i'm totally excited about it.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!



holycraps

lifehouse- you & me

i bought sweets for her; her fav.
thought could meet her today, but in the end i brought the sweet out and back home again.
hope to see her tomorrow,
missin` her so much. pouts*

i want to bring her go doc!

But on and on,
From the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care
Oh, did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good,
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
And I wanted to say


shopping day today!! :DD
bought tops for girliee and myself,
she bought me one too. ((:
had limited cash flow so din buy much actually.heh.

i'm staring at her mother's feet on webcam now.HOHO.

i'm a happy bung today.
REALLY!! believe it or not.
I'M HAPPY!!!

it would be nice if everyday will be like today, i would ask for nothing more.(((:
i like it when she talks like a small little girl, TOTALLY melt me. adorable.:DDDD


STINGRAY MEAL SOON PLEASE GIRL!!
i can't wait.

you're still the one and only,
always will be.


falling leaves.

tomorrow's the day.
our 10th.
counting down:
2hrs 59mins.


"lightside-legend ragnarok",
i think this game is pretty fun.
some sort like "maple story",
but yet not like "maple story.

i miss that girl))):