*sick and lonely.











life is still as sucky as ever.

i don't know why?
but i miss her.





















ALOT.

I'm sorry,
sorry for calling you a bitch.


I know by saying all these won't even help a bit,
but i really din mean whatever i've said.










I was right,
you'll never know how much you mean to me.
You are still my everything.
But yet what am i to you?
Nothing,
but just a piece of fucking shit!



















I don't understand why,
why after all these while,
you're still the only one who lingers around in my mind,
and my heart.
I've tried letting go and i'm still trying.
But it seems so tough.
Why do i still love you so much?
























It's been fucking 8mths 26days.








and yes,
i'm the big fat joke you were talking about in ya blog.
I'm such a fool.
But true, life is nothing but waiting.
I've waited so long.
But i got nothing back in return.
N O T H I N G!!
























































/I can't take it anymore.

-- UNIQUE --
1. nervous habits? heart beats faster than normal and will become clumsy.
2. are you double jointed? nahs. normal!
3. can you roll your tongue? sadly, no!
4. can you raise one eyebrow at a time?nahs. even can people also cannot see. i'm sorta eyebrow-less.
5. can you blow spit bubbles? nahs.
6. can you cross your eyes? can!
7. tattoos? THREE!! another one coming soon and more!!!
8. piercings n where? 3. labret and ears. eyebrow soon.
9. do you make your bed daily? no i don't. lols.

-- CLOTHES --
10. which shoe goes on first? right .
11. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at
anyone? yes.
12. on the average, how much money do you
carry in your wallet/purse? 20+
13. what jewelry do you wear 24/7? studs.
14. favourite piece of clothing? no particular ones.

-- FOOD --
15. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl.
16. have you ever eaten Spam? whats that?
17. favourite ice cream flavor? choc,cookie&cream.
18. how many cereals in your cabinet? none.
19. what`s your favourite beverage? green tea.
20. what`s your favourite restaurant? *shrugs
21. do you cook? erms, yes. MAGGIE MEE.

-- GROOMING --
22. how often do you brush your teeth? twice daily.
23. hair drying method? air dry.
24. have you ever coloured your hair? yes.

-- MANNERS --
25. do you swear? sometimes.
26. do you ever spit? yes.

-- FAVOURITE --
27. animal? none.
28. food? sushi.
29. month? december
30. day? fri
31. cartoon? tigger.
32. shoe brand? nike, adiddas.
33. subject in school? not studying.
34. colour? *shrugs.
35. sport? basketball.
36. tv shows? none.
37. thing to do in the spring? singapore doesn't
have four seasons!!!!
38. thing to do in the summer? sun tanning!
39. thing to do in the fall? i said, singapore doesn't have FOUR SEASONS!
40. thing to do in the winter? throw self into a fireplace.

-- IN AND AROUND --
41. the cd player? zero.
42. person you talk most on the fone with? zero.
43. ever taken a cab? yes.
44. do you regularly check yourself out in store
windows n mirrors? no.
45. what colour is your bedroom? walls are baby blue.
46. do you use an alarm clock? handphone.
47.window seat or aisle? window seat.

-- LA LA LAND --
48. what`s your sleeping position? curled up.
49. even in hot weather do you use a blanket?
yes.
50. do you snore? don't know?
51. do you sleepwalk? nope.
52. do you talk in your sleep? maybe?
53. do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes.
tiggers!!
54. how about the lights on? erms.. yes. i'm a scady cat. sad to say, i'm afraid of dark.
55. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on? nope.

-- WHICH IS BETTER --
56. coke or pepsi? coke.
57. oranges or apples? apples.
58. one pillow or two? two.
59. deaf or blind? deaf.
60. pools or hot tubs? hot tubs
61. tall or short? tall.
62. tv or radio? MP3.
63. beach or pool? beach.
64. tic tacs or certs? tic tacs
65. sunrise or sunset? both.
66. hamburger or cheeseburger? none.
67. morning or night? night.
68. sports or news? sports.
70. indoors or outdoors? outdoors.
71. christmas eve or christmas day? new year
eve!
72. cake or ice cream? ice creams.
73. spearmint or peppermint? peppermint.
74. bath or shower? bath.
75. book or movie? movie.
76. green or red apples? red.
77. rain or snow? snow.
78. nike or adidas? nike.
79. devils or angels? angels.
80. love or hate? hate.

-- WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU --
79. took a shower? afternoon.
80. last time you cried? long ago.
81. talked on the fone? sylvia jie.
82. read a book? zero.
83. punched sumone? calvin.

-- THE FUTURE --
84. where do you see yourself in 10 years? sucessful.
85. kids, how many? NONE!

i'm numb to everything already.







DEX: you know how much you mean to me as a friend. and you're still as close to me even though we don't meet up often. you're still as close to me in my heart. remember i care. *hugs Lovess.

(Friendster quiz)


1. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
i don't know?

2. How can we tell that you're already irritated?
i'll keep quiet. piss me off further? i'll blow!

3. How do you treat the person that obviously
doesn't like you?
Can't be bothered.

4. What usually ruins your mood?
lots of stuff, esp when bitches comes in my way.

5. Who do you see everyday that you wish you
just wouldn't at all?
hmmm.. *shrugs

6. When was the last time that you had a good
cry?
very long ago!!

...and a good laugh?
never had for a long time.

7. How often do you shop for clothes?
when i'm feeling rich.

Groceries?
i don't do that.

Sandals?
slippers!

8. Who's your long-time crush?
hmmmmm....

9. Someone you just had a crush on?
lols. only some knows. and i think she's damn cute! but she's str8 i guess? lols.

10. Do you have something that you wish you
just don't have?
problems.

11. Do you sometimes crave for something that
isn't there?
yeahs.. definately.

12. Do you wish to live in a faraway land where
nobody knows you?
I'll love to do so.

13. Have you kissed a total stranger?
nahs.

14. What do you want to do at this very moment?
tell my crush how cute she is. lols.

15. The worst feeling?
failure. lonliness.

16. How about the best?
success and being loved.

17. Ever given your number to someone you
dislike?
eh?

18. Say something about/to someone that you
know who reads this:
i'm sick.

oh god,
i think i'm goin crazy.









































she's fucking cute please!!

it's been quite some times since i've last blogged.
my life has changed,
changed tremendously please.





she's gone, she's not gone, she's gone, she's not gone, SHE'S GONE












she's outta my life.
totally.
i guess.











well,
noticed this particullar person who came my shop.
i think she's really cute. =)
really.
i like her smile.
a very special smile.

fucked up boss with a fucked up face,
fucked up job with a fucked up pay.





hate my job now.

















lo n e

tiring day.




life is nothing now.









*yawnss

what a day.
rotted at home.


no life please.

I'm just another thing, that soon you'll forget.

I hate myself,
why do i still love you so much?











---------------------------------------------------
I can't wait for the trip to HK end of the year with my bunch of sweeties. =)
was discussing with carrie about it at work and both of us got so exciteed please.
=)








HONG KONG HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG
HONG KONG

Seriously,
i think i'm going crazy.





Thoughts of everything about you.
They are all driving me up the walls.

bloody hell.

my cramp is hurting me like fucking hell!!


ARGH!


=(






















I HATE HER!!!

1.40AM


She make me feel like shit.
She's a bitch.












off to sleep.
*poofs

granny's here.
gotta take out my piercing,
paste sticker onto the tattoo on my hand,
wearing long pants cover my leg tattoo,
and my back try not to let her see.
-.-||




she keep nagging and there i am typing here.
laughs.




well,
so long no see her.
She slimed down alot.

5.49AM.


Just got back from work not long.
This is how i spend the first few hours of my 19th birthday,
do stupid stock take at the shop. *tsk
Can't stand that bastard's face,
feel like slaping him upside down and inside out. ARGH!!
(Those who know what i'm talking about will know whose that BASTARD)


well,
i wanna thank those who sent msges to me at 12am.
Sorry couldn't reply as i was working.



She msged me too.
At 12am sharp.
*sighs.
I'm surprised that she actually remembers my birthday,
or is it someone reminded her?
The moment i received her msg,
i don't know why but i felt my heart aching,
i teared.
I wanted to reply her but i din know what to say.
A "Thank You"?
OR
just pretend nothing had happened and msg her like as per normal.
I don't know.






All i know is, i still love her a lot.













I couldn't bear to make myself hate her








Happy birthday, BJ.

1.59am.
can't get to sleep.

















simply cause i miss you.

Another day has passed.
You're still where you are; my heart.



Tiring and boring day.
Knee hurting me like hell.
Don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
Can't even fucking hell walk properly.
DAMN!!


2 more day to my birthday.
i hope it will be a happy day for me.


i miss dex, nor and carrie.
catching up soon? please?

This is really hard, i'm missing you so much!



It's been quite some times since i've last talked to her.
I'm missing her. *sighs



I guess granting her wish of me letting go of her ain't easy,
i'm in terrible pain definately.



But i'm glad she's happy.






No one can take over the place you have in my heart, never. I miss you. ):



















*my happy ending?

tiring day.

she walked passed my shop today,
but i din see her face.
*sighs.
i just so happen to lift up my head and look out,
when she walk pass, that very right moment.


i don't know why,
my heart was aching when i see her.




*avril/myhappyending (For HER)



So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...




You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

4.08am




didn't blog for a day.
was so tired after all those shits on friday the 13th.

well,
day was that bad afterall,
on that 13th friday,
i had a mini advance celebration for my 19th birthday.
i wanna thank all those sweeties who were with me that day.
They make my day.
Kanie, deb, sylvia jie and xiao wan.
Of course my lao si ROY,
who went off with other friends after the dinner.




ok,
the 14th.
just got back from movie with jasmine and jenny.
Watched "Secret Window".
To my own personal opinion,
i think the show is good. =)
I wonder how can a person sleep through a thriller movie?
Jasmine did! lols, how silly was that.


well,
gotta work later!
Off to sleep soon!
*poofs.

appointment with terry at 2.
wish me luck.




*poofs

my knees are killing me.
i wonder what's wrong with them.
left side swollen.
right side beginning to hurt.
=(

i can't even walk properly now.
god damn.



played gunbound.
off to sleep.

*poofs

__it's been three days since i've last talked to her.


i'm still feeling as miserable.

or is it a good start of the journey to forgetting her?
i doubt so




DEX : FUGLY BIATCH! I miss you, meet up soon? and.. good luck for ya coming prelims! =)


CARRIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. take good care of yourself and get well soon, so we can meet?


NOR GERGER, please meet up soon?


CHERYL mei Our birthday's coming, although i can't celebrate with you this year, hope next year we can? =)

DAPHNE TO stupid TO, you better give me my marlboro surprise soon, and i DEMAND that you shall not give it away. =D




gonna celebrate my birthday in advance tomorrow,
but i don't know how.
*sighs.
how sad lah?

new layout.


although i think it's damn ugly,
cause it's as empty as my life NOW.




wells,
off to sleep soon.

all of a sudden feeling damn sick please.
*sighs.
i don't know why.



is it because,
of her?




AH!god damnit rubbish please.
*sighs.




hope she's doing.

well,
she will be ok.
with all her friends out there.














had crystal jade ramen with parents for dinner.
saw a doc,
3 med.
*yucks.





i hope all these that i do, you'll be happy. cause that's what you want.

I'm flying off.
to hongkong with the bunch of sweeties at the end of the year. =)
can't wait for macau.
right fugly biatch?
dunks and dunks and dunks AND DUNKS!
woohoo.


took mc today.
My knees are definately killing me for sure.
the left side is kinda swollen.
and i can't walk properly.
DAMN!



Daps TALL ONE was supposed to visit me today at work with my surprise.
my marlboro surprise.
laughs.
idiot also will know what surprise already.
*sillys






fugly biatch feels like a frog.














i feels like an..





IDIOT!

I'm too worn out.





Be glad about this....






I'm leaving .............







FOR GOOD.

She messaged me.
She asked me if i was okay.
I din reply,
i din know what to say.


Tell me you're doing all these because you feel bad,
feel bad seeing me in this state.



If that's so,
stop showing your concerns for me.










I feel lost,
i totally don't know what am i supposed to do.










I really don't know.






This is hurting me, it feels like you are peeling off my heart layer by layers.
I rather you smash it all up once and for all. It's really torturing me.

My heart is aching badly,
i'm in terrible pain.



Your trouble,
will soon be far gone.




Cause me;the trouble,
is preparing to set off.





and leave you alone.




yes, leaving you all alone.

it means i won't bother you any longer.











Now than i know, i'm so much of a trouble.
Sorry to cause you so much trouble.








I'm gone.

Today's National day.
Happy Birthday Singapore =)





This love has torn me apart,
i'm no more myself.

work today was ok.

after work,
went Holland.V "walawala" with boss, boss's nephew, jack, jasmine, sibin and kimhui.
Drank and ate alot.
All on the house; by boss.
Total of $233 please.


she msged me.
saying sorry for hurting me again.
i'm already used to it i told her.
things ain't going the way we want it to be.
i want to stay,
she wants me to go.


i won't be happy w/o her i said,
and i've said a 9218386769281793289017439178123 times.



but i don't care now,
i don't wish to be happy.
i want Y O U to be happy.



Having depressions had been a part of my life already.
I'm numb,
but not totally,
i ain't a cold blooded animal.
i still feel.




Let me be,
and show me that you're happy.





I'm forced to leave.





I will still love you.








ai ni shi ge cuo ma?




_______*xiaoming/ainishigecuo

just got back from movie with jenny and jasmine not long.
watched "i-robot".
i think this show is damn cool,
and will smith is damn cute please.
muahaha.
*sneeze ops sorry i'm allergic to BULLSHITS.
lols. nice one.


hmmm..
feeling damn tired.
gotta work tmr.
off to sleep.
*poofs.



i hope dex's doin ok.









you'll never know how i feel.

what a day,
tiring please.

met up kanie for supper at lor 5 hawker.
i guess she also addicted to the noodles there,
damn nice lahs. =D


well,
talked to kanie about her.
She agrees to the point where,
why do we butches not understand passives,
when actually both side are girls?
aren't we suppose to understand them,
more than guys are supposed to?
*blahs.
ok, or maybe we're of different species. *nods

*sighs.
i think i know why i couldn't give up,
even till now.
*I don't know what i've done wrong at first, that she gotta leave me?
*My heart could only have her and only her.
*I still love her as much as before.



*4PM/sukiyaki


It's all because of you, I'm feeling sad and blue you went away, now
my life is just a rainy day
and I love you so, how much you'll never
know you've gone away and left me lonely.
Untouchable memories seem to
keep hauting me another love so true,
that once turned all my gray
skies blue but you disappeared,
now my eyes are filled with tears and
I'm wishing
you were here with me soaked with love all my thoughts of you now that
you're gone I just don't know what to do if only you were here,
you'd
wash away my tears the sun would shine,
once again you'll be mine all
mine but in reality,
you and I will never be cos you took your love
away from me

(chorus)
Girl, I don't know what I did to make you leave me but what I
do know,
is that since you've been gone there's such an emptiness
inside,
I'm wishing you to come back to me
If only you were here,
you'd wash away my tears the sun would shine,
once again you'll be mine all mine but in reality,
you and I will
never be cos you took your love away from me.
Oh baby you took your love away from me.



this is how i exactly feel ever since the day you left me

Isn't this beautiful? Nike HTM Croc Skin Low Cut Dunk. It's like selling at US $315 on eBay. -.-||

take a closer look, it's just so gorgeous.







AND!!!!!!

My Visa Mini Debit Card coming my way!!heh. =D

whoosh!
off today,
supposed to have appointments today,
both put my plane.
*tsk

I'M FINALLY A BA!! *grins

our group got new start-up kit!
and i think it's really very powerful.
did some goin through with mr ray and mr bryan.


met up with 3 of my sec sch bestfriends,
am so happy to see them after so long!
they are still as cock as ever,
that jasmine!
see me only question this question that,
hah! like my mother like that. *blahs
my treat to their dinner,
and than we head to Kbox Exuecutive.
Had a enjoyable time with them!
do keep in contact ya?
AND!!
i still love them as much as i do last time. =)
pals for life




The pain is unbearable, please come ease my pain

My routine of everyday life goes on and on,
my routine of missing you still continues,
every of my heart beat,
they beat for you.

I wonder,
do you still misses me?
Like how i do misses you.
Do you still feel for me?
Like what you told me before?

Or is it,
everything is over,
i'm not needed anymore

*keane/somewhereonlyweknow



I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

work was so fun today.
heh. =)

i wonder why some people just doesn't wanna go look for a proper job,
but to sell tissues on the street?
and con people's money.
blahs.
*shows the "wo bi shi ni" sign.


went to apply for visa mini today,
with miss jasmine.
whoosh. =D
oh ya,
and today was supposed to meet her at 10.30am for BK breakfast,
i woke up only at 10.15am.
muahaha.
luckily she called me,
if not i'll still be happily sleeping my way thru. hah.



i'm strengthless, but i'm still holding on

i guess you're better off w/o me in your life?


today was a damn tiring day.
pack stock whole day.
only managed to have my lunch cum dinner at 7+ coming 8pm.
i actually still got strength of walk to taka help my boss and colleage buy mac,
got myself mac too.
after that ehs, walk all the way back to heeren than i realised they never give me my fries!
walked back reluctantly. =/


met the toad face, moreena to the hawker opp my house to eat,
did some catching up.
she's still as cock as ever lahs.




//*I feel weak.

loving you just ain't enough, i want more.



HOME!
went for carey's b`day bbq at ecp for a while than came back to tpy with kanie.
met up cal and deb.
OH!
anyways,
HAPPY 1YEAR 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY KANIE AND DEB! *loves

had a crazy time with 3 of them,
played around at my house downstairs fitness corner(sounds lame),
but ya,
was fun though! =D
plus, i managed to get some exercise.


well,
i'm so sick and tired of everything.
i'm already numb towards all those craps.
i wanna give up(she would be damn happy to see this),
but i couldn't. (sorry to disappoint)
it's just the love i have for her,
make me couldn't let go.
this love has always been the same, still as much as before.
*sighs.